It is easy in our busy lives to continue to feed our "busyness" diseases. On my last retreat, at least 4 attendees claimed their biggest obstacle preventing them from having the life they want is the inability to say no. Over and over I work with people who claim they have no time to do what they want to do yet are filling their time with all kind of "shoulds" and "have tos" that they don't want to do.
Whether it's at our jobs, or our kids or taking on a community assignment, we are faced constantly with taking on more and more. We tell ourselves all kinds of stories about what saying no means ("I will lose my job", "they won't like me", etc.). Most of the time these stories are just not true! This week I decided to look at the things in my life that were not adding to my energy. If it didn't feel good or make me feel more energized (usually) then I decided to quit or say no! Here is what happened: 1) I turned down two business opportunities that might have made sense in the short term but did not fit into my larger vision. This felt great and freed up so much time to focus on activities that I really want to do (like this blog). 2) I gave up a board position that I have been holding for a couple of years. This board took up a lot of time and energy and I realized that I could still believe in the mission of the agency and give in other ways that would be more meaningful. The second I did this I felt tremendously lighter and free! Everyone understood and was very supportive. 3). My son had a cast party last night and needed to get picked up super late. I had my younger son at home. I resisted the urge to be the perfect mom and find some way to get him. Instead I asked my son's father to bring him home, left the light on and went to bed at a reasonable hour. And guess what? My son got a ride home and I got a great night's sleep. So I encourage you to look at the things in your life that you are doing that you would rather not be doing. Ask yourself how they serve you. Think about how it might feel if you could let them go and free up that time. What fears come up for you? Are they valid? Can you let those go to? This is a practice so go slowly as you build this new muscle. Good luck and enjoy the new space you create. Let me know how that goes for you 😀🙏
0 Comments
Yesterday I had one of those crazy mom days; one of those days that I had to have two kids in three places at the same time. Do you know those days? My nine year old was testing for his recommended black belt in tae kwon do. I, a new student, was testing for my first belt. My fourteen your old son was performing in the school play. I was working concessions there. Somewhere before or after or in between, I had to get the kids fed and change my clothes (you know this drill right?). And thrown in for good measure, my older son's best friend showed up in the mix to join us.
I became aware in the midst of this chaos that so often we get overwhelmed by the logistics that we miss the magic in these moments. The human condition often makes us focus on the doing; and doing perfectly rather than just showing up with all of our shortcomings and flaws and just doing the best we can. This is where we lose the golden opportunities!!! What if we can just let that go?? Once I realized my own reaction to this stress, I could let it go and was able to enjoy the really fun, crazy moments and experiences like sparring with my 9 year old and being given permission to kick him 😀, and watching all these other kids pour their heart and souls into their belt tests. They demonstrated so much heart, perseverance and indomitable spirit. Fast forward to the high school. The cast and crew of this show demonstrated the very same qualities. I was overwhelmed by their enthusaism and their ability to show up in such a huge way (and these are teenagers!!!). So big lesson for this day for me is to show up, be present and do the best I can. All the rest will be magical if I do. Here's an idea. Instead of beating yourself up for all you didn't get done this week, how about on Friday you take 10 minutes and create a "done" list. Take out a piece of paper or your pc and document all you have accomplished this week including anything you did to take care of yourself like exercise, eat well, see friends in addition to those big work milestones. Take a moment to celebrate what you did. You are awesome and look how much you got done! I hope you have an excellent weekend.
How can we get somewhere if we don't know where we are going? Whenever I work with a client and they want to create change, I start with having them go through a visioning exercise to really envision that change. More often than not, the vision is far from clear. Here is my approach to how you can effectively develop a clear vision: 1) Create the space - be in a quiet, calm space where you feel comfortable. Make sure it is quiet or put on some inspiring music. Light a candle, diffuse some oil - whatever gets you into that space where you can really drop in 2) Drop in - if you have a yoga practice, practice for a while, if you don't then try meditating. Sit quietly in a comfortable seated position and close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Should thoughts arise, go back to your breath. Do this until you feel calm and relaxed and focused 3) Pick the life element on which you are creating this vision. This can be a vision for one change or your entire life plan. For example, are you looking to improve your physical health, or are you looking to develop an overall life plan - either way the visioning process is the same! Just get clear on what vision you are creating at this moment 4) Begin the visioning exercise. Use all 5 senses. Where are you? Who are you with? What do you see? What do you hear? What smells are there? What can you touch? How do you feel? What are all the elements visible in your life at this moment? Reach a bit further...what else is present? What else could you call into this vision to enhance the picture? Keep going until you've reached the peak of this picture. 5) Journal it. Now write it down! Embellish with as much enthusiasm as you can! 6) Memorialize it - you can either frame it and keep it handy for regular reference or you can create a graphic depiction of it by creating a vision board - your call....but somehow create a reminder for yourself that you can refer to often to bring you back to why you are going about this change and help you focus on what you want to create.. 7) Reiterate - over time, this vision will become crisper and it might evolve and morph. As you get more clarity and become better at listening to your intuition, it will change. Be sure to go back to your memorialized vision often and update it to reflect the changes. Now the first step is complete - you know where you want to go. Congratulations. My next musing will address the next step in the transformation process. |
Carrie Kaufman
The one constant in life is change. How we navigate that change is who we are. Creating sustainable change is a more deliberate action and gives us the life we want. This is what my practice and my life mission is all about. All of my life experiences, work history and spiritual journey have lead me to this path - to help others create transformation in their lives and live lives that they love. Archives
January 2017
Categories |